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Children, Adolescents, & School
 CHILDREN AND ANXIETY
The fact that anxiety is becoming increasingly prevalent in children shatters the notion that childhood is a carefree and blissful time. The dilemma confronting parents is how to determine whether their child's anxiety is a "normal" part of development or a sign that the stressors in the child's life have exceeded their strategies for coping. When trying to determine if professional intervention is necessary, it might be helpful to establish how long the anxiety has been present; if it's specific or global; and if it is interfering with the child's social or academic functioning.
Children's anxiety may be a warning for parents to slow down and be more attentive to the demands and expectations placed on the child. After close listening, it may be that loving attention, fair and consistent limit setting, and a less hurried pace will provide your child with the security he or she needs. These strategies could gradually diminish your child's anxiety. Finally, monitoring one's own stress levels and coping responses will allow us to focus on the needs of our children and provide the "unhurried" environment that is best for their emotional growth.
 HOMEWORK
While not likely to make anyone's top ten list of favorites, homework is one of those realities of life for children and parents. Homework provides an excellent opportunity for home and school to collaborate in extending a child's learning. For this to happen, each of the participants -- teachers, parents, and child -- must have a clear understanding of their responsibilities.
Parents have a dual role in this process. First, they need to understand the teachers' policies regarding homework (i.e., purpose, time allotments, level of parental participation). Second, parents need to provide the structure (e.g., a quiet place and consistent time) and supervision to help their child organize and complete assignments. Ideally, homework will provide the child with an opportunity to practice and strengthen academic skills, and master the completion of tasks geared to his or her ability level.
However, if your child experiences continual frustration while doing homework, a parent-teacher conference may be necessary.
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 SO, WHAT'S AN ADULT TO DO?
It is common to hear of adults' demoralization when speaking of adolescents. The influence of teenagers' own peer group, their music, pop culture, and the Internet can leave adults feeling powerless and fearful. The standard advice is still the best -- work at maintaining a relationship by spending time and being present. Offer support, listen, and finally, set fair and reasonable limits by making expectations clear and consequences consistent.
If there are feelings of helplessness or fear when dealing with your adolescent, take responsibility for your own feelings and reach out for help yourself. Don't become isolated! Talk to other parents, teachers, or seek professional help. Work with others to find the middle ground between responding to one's own fear and being overprotective, or at the other extreme, living in denial and ignoring warning signs. It is often a fine line to walk, and using others as resources in this often stressful period helps to make the decision process less lonely.
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 KEEPING KIDS SWEET IN SPITE OF ALL THEY SEE & HEAR
Today's kids are exposed to too many bewildering, confusing situations that are beyond their understanding. More importantly they are bombarded by circumstances that challenge parental lessons about values and morals. Young people are saturated by images of violence and sex, which makes it easy for them to believe that these images are societal standards.
How do we protect them and ensure that parental beliefs and values are not polluted by these other sources? In addition to insulating children and debriefing them when they are exposed to negative stimuli, it is essential that parents teach and reinforce some basic values. These are the Values of Being (self-reliance and taking good care of yourself, honesty, courage, self-discipline, fidelity, and peacefulness), and the Values of Giving (loyalty, respect, depend-ability, love, kindness, friendliness, justice, and mercy). These values are universal for children and adolescents. They are the single best defense against that which our children see and hear, and it is really important that these values be taught straightforwardly within the family.
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COMPUTERS AND YOUNGSTERS
Do computers enhance learning in young children? What we do know about early psychological development is that it is a time when skills in language and socialization affect creativity, imagination, and the ability to organize and self-motivate. For young children to develop healthy cognitive, social, and emotional skills, it is essential to include active exploration of the world around him/her. This includes learning how to get along socially. How, then, do we incorporate computer usage in our child's education?
Parental interaction with the young child while he/she is on the computer is crucial. Setting and enforcing limits with respect to time spent playing computer games will help prevent social isolation. The goal is to balance the creative use of the computer with creative free play time. This will allow the child to understand the give-and-take of the real world versus the one-sided world of the computer.
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 SHOULD PARENTS BE MONITORING THEIR CHILDS COMPUTER USAGE?
Today's kids and adolescents have access to a very large world, as a result of the computer and its associated chat rooms, web sites, and e-mail. Parents are often concerned about how to or whether to monitor these areas in terms of what kids and adolescents see, do, and communicate to others, and what they receive in return. There are many filtering devices that are available which screen out "undesirable" sites. Parents can contact their internet provider to find out more about these.
But should we read our children's e-mails? Should we know what they are saying and to whom in those chat rooms? The best approach is to pay attention to the developmental level of the child concerned and then match our involvement as parents to the maturity of that child. Although we may give more control and independence to our adolescents, they are often just old enough to get into more trouble.
Family conversation and limits, as appropriate, can help guide our decisions about how much to check. Certainly, family rules that protect the family and the child must be clearly stated, since virtually, the computer allows a stranger into our home.
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 ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER...?
Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) seems to be an epidemic among children and adolescents we see in treatment. While ADD is certainly responsible for many school related problems, there are many other sources of difficulties that are not biologically based.
Family problems such as parental adversity, alcoholism, high conflict divorces, and inconsistent limit setting, can all contribute to attention problems. In diagnosing ADD, both learning problems and environmental factors need to be assessed before a clinician can recommend effective treatment strategies.
For example, in order to be successful in school, adolescents must take ownership of their academic work. In addition, they need to develop an identity that includes being an interested and successful student. These attributes need to develop over years and must be reinforced throughout the early grades. Certainly being part of a peer group that values doing well academically can be vital.
It is essential for parents to realize that not all attentional problems are caused by ADD. Our staff would be happy to consult with parents who are concerned about their child's academic performance.
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 YOUNGSTER'S SCHOOL FEARS SHOULD BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY
While fears are certainly common among young children, a child may suddenly become fearful about going to school and can react with both emotional and physical distress. Nausea, stomach aches, and dizziness are typical physical complaints. Often the fears are expressed as dread about something in particular at school, such as tests, reading lessons, the cafeteria, or recess. Some kids express intense anxiety when away from home, while other kids may be shy and may be having trouble getting along with other children.
If the problem centers around leaving home, the first priority is easing the child back into the school building, perhaps initially for only part of the day. Sometimes having the child choose which activities in the classroom are the least anxiety provoking will make the transition back into the room easier. Slowly exposing him/her to the feared situations for short periods, while being reassured and rewarded, is helpful. If the problem has to do with peer difficulties, the child will need an advocate (a parent or teacher) who supports his/her struggle. Having someone who can recognize his/her unique qualities and bolster the child's self-esteem is advisable.
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TRANSITIONING BACK TO SCHOOL
September is a time when children get a fresh start: new shoes, new clothes, a new grade, and maybe even a new school. What a chance to start over with a clean slate! Parents see this time as an opportunity to get things under control regarding homework, bedtime, television watching, and healthy eating.
These are wonderful goals to set -- but beware of having expectations that are too high. Simply returning to the regimen of school after the lazy days of summer is a big adjustment. Asking kids to make too many changes may backfire. Set specific behavioral goals for the first weeks of school, such as getting to bed at a specific time or getting all homework completed. Promises of straight A's and perfect behavior in school are nice fantasies but very hard to accomplish.
As the school year progresses, parents can help kids set more realistic goals such as improving in a particular subject, working toward more self-control in school, or learning a new skill. Those are objectives that can be attained and give a child a sense of hopefulness for a successful new school year.
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WARNING SIGNS OF VIOLENCE IN CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS
The American Psychological Association has recently published Warning Signs, a brochure that details signs of violence in others and signs of potential violence against oneself. While predicting violence is NOT an exact science there are signs to pay attention to that MAY predict violence. Pay special attention to:
• Loss of temper on a daily basis
• Frequent physical fighting
• Significant vandalism or property damage
• Increase in use of drugs or alcohol
• Increase in risk- taking behavior
• Detailed plans to commit acts of violence
• Announcing threats or plans for hurting others
• Enjoying hurting animals
• Carrying a weapon
Children and adolescents must find someone they trust and respect to talk with about their concerns of potential violent behavior by other kids, or when they feel as if they may be a threat against themselves.
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HOW DO I TALK TO MY CHILD'S TEACHER?
GOALS OF THE CONFERENCE:
Whether you are talking to your child's teacher at a regularly scheduled parent-teacher conference or there is some particular issue to discuss regarding your child's progress in class, it is important to make sure that your time in discussion with the teacher results in the following:
- answers to your questions, and
- a chance to share important information with the teacher
STEPS TO A SUCCESSFUL CONFERENCE:
- Prior to any discussion with the teacher, be sure you talk with your child to find out if there is anything that he or she would like you to talk about. Be sure that your child (no matter what age) knows that you will be talking to his or her teacher.
- Sit down beforehand and jot down everything you want to say as well as any questions you have.
- Begin your discussion with the teacher by sharing some positive things that are going on in the classroom that you have noticed or heard about. Expressing appreciation for some of the special things your child's teacher does in the classroom or specifically for your child is a good way to start.
- Sharing some extra information about your child and his or her situation out of school will help the teacher know your child better. You do not have to share the intimate details of your family issues but rather focus on the implications some family dynamics may be having on your child. Pointing out excessive sources of stress or detractions that might be going on will help the teacher understand day to day changes observed while your child is in school.
- Teachers typically do not have unlimited amounts of time to talk with parents so be sure that you take your notes with you and stay on the topics of importance. Be sure you know right at the start how much time the teacher has allotted to talk with you; this will help you structure the interaction.
- Be sure to keep your own emotions under control. Often parents hear some things from teachers that are disappointing or even startling.
- You might want to take notes so that once you leave the meeting you can remember You might want to take notes so that once you leave the meeting you can remember specifically what the teacher said or recommended.
TYPES OF QUESTIONS: If you have any concerns about your child's school performance or you have gotten written feedback about a problem, ask specific questions such as:
- How does my child's work compare to that of the other students in the class?, or Could you tell me about by child's work behaviors (or relations with other children, behavior in class, etc)?
If you have questions about what is going on in the classroom such as the curriculum, classroom activities, or topics and skills that are being emphasized, be clear about what it is in the curriculum or activities that confuse you. Avoid general questions about the curriculum or units that will be studied during the school year. You can collect that information directly from your child or by studying your child's daily papers carefully.
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